Not Quite

Even though my appointment today was anywhere between 10a-8p, a tech guy called me at 8:15 and said he could be here shortly.

I figured, with the knowledge he had from reading notes of what previously went wrong, this guy would be prepared to get my cable up and running.

I was wrong. Very wrong. He was here FOUR HOURS. 4 hours. FOUR!!

I got to know his whole life story. Jamaican. From the Parish St. Catherine. Married 16 years. Worked for Optimum 15 years!! Nice man.

Here’s the dope. The wrong address the building had with Cablevision made the problem I was having more serious than just the address wrong. With a 10528 zip code it “located” my boxes in another district within Cablevision’s internal grid. When the address got corrected on Saturday to 10604 it didn’t logically relocate the boxes in the grid. Got that? I’m glad because I don’t.

Starting at 9am, my technician called his supervisor who in turn had to call one person higher up. That response took until way after 10am. We did a lot of waiting and gabbing.

By the time the top in the chain of command called my technician, she had to start my account all over. As if it were new, a task that took well over an hour.

But wait, there’s more!!

After all was said and done and the two boxes were up and running, guess what? Can you even take a stab??

Somehow someone changed the cable package I had to the lowest of the low, Basic. We’d previously subscribed to what Cablevision called the Silver package that gave us all the channels we wanted. Basic gives us like five channels – 2, 4, 5, 7, 11, and oddly, HGTV. It’s like not having tv at all. Not even Channel 12, as local as local news gets, is available to me. My technician told me the Silver Package doesn’t even exist anymore. Nice of someone to tell me that, then ASK me what level service I wanted.

Right now the box is frozen. It can’t change channels or make any move. I’ve turned it in and off and it’s locked up tighter than a crabs ass.

I’m told I will get a phone call from the woman who got my system up and running, a follow up to see if everything is copacetic. When? Who knows it its today even. My technician told me NOT NOT NOT to try and change the channel package until AFTER the woman calls me back because who knows what could happen. I think he’s right.

Bottom line, the new Altice Mini boxes are atrocious. There’s no time or channel on the box face, it’s all on the TV. Probably fine for you young’uns, but we old farts like to stay in a groove of the known. I want my old Samsung boxes back.

Please enjoy this comedic moment, brought to you by Optimum! Ha ha ha.

14 thoughts on “Not Quite

  1. If your boxes/remotes are anything like ours, you are in for even more fun. The remote has such a bad lag on it, that we fast forward through the ads on DVR shows, at our peril. You push fast forward and it goes, and goes, and goes – despite frantically pushing STOP, it overruns the ads and goes halfway through the next show segment before it stops. Push rewind and same thing – continues so far past the point when we push STOP that we are back where we started. Our remote has been replaced twice, plus they have “reset” the boxes numerous times. I can only conclude that it is the clumsiest interface on the planet, and I miss Directv more than I can tell you. There is no easy way to load favorites into this system, or access them, or find the channels I want unless I memorize the numbers – and even then, we are back to the remote issues. Try entering 102. It takes you to Cheddar, on Channel 1. No idea what that is. The only sure fire way to get your channel is to go to the Guide and painstakingly scroll to your channel. IT IS AWFUL. I’m convinced Altice or whatever its name is, is run by lefties and they are doing this to me deliberately. I need to bite the bullet and get Directv out here to deliver me from the evil that is Altice.

    1. Awful awful awful. Even my technician said the mini boxes and remotes are useless. He said they get complaints constantly. The remote freezes. Lags. Loses signal. All of what you said too.

      1. If you can get Directv, then run away from Optimum at top speed. We had to get Optimum/Altice because the wifi in Old Greenwich sucks royally, and an IT guy said our only hope was to plant cable boxes in all the bedrooms to act as repeaters. Not great advice and I ended up installing a giant “switch” in the basement and upgraded/networked the house instead. Now that I’ve done that (in a rental, mind you) I think we will keep Optimum as our internet provider but get tv through Directv which isn’t perfect but it’s a durn sight better. The remote is a billion times better. Or we just stay on Hulu/Netflix/Prime/HBO Max for 99% of our tv viewing, which is what we’ve been doing. Just added Britbox for a trial run, not too impressed yet.

        1. Since where we are now is a temporary rental we got to take what’s in the building. Once we move back into the house in Bedford, I guess we’ll have to think out our options. Thanks for your overview and advice!!

        1. That’s not the problem. I saved the old remotes from the other house. Good size. Buttons big enough for older hands. Those worked perfectly with the old Samsung boxes. When I get the Samsung boxes back I should be good to go. Should being the operative word because we are talking about Cablevision!!

  2. I recommend acquiring a Tivo in order to do away with the Altice/Optimum box. Its DVR functionality is so much better than anything I’ve been stuck with from the cable company here or in NYC, although you still might have trouble with Optimum’s providing you the cable card necessary to get started.

  3. Since your technician is from Jamaica and you’ve gotten to know him so well, can you ask him if he can get his hands on some good quality weed? Asking for a friend
    Wait you could probably use some with all this stress today 😂
    Also I’m glad your blog is back!

    1. Hahaha. I should have asked!! Oddly, I didn’t think of it! 🤗
      It’s been interesting talking at great length to two technicians. The guy yesterday told me his whole life story. He’s got a daughter but the baby mamma won’t let him see her, she just wants money, support. He’s taking her to court for the right to have joint custody. He even shared with me that the reason the baby momma isn’t allowing him to see their child is because she wants to be with him, as a couple, but he doesn’t want that. I guess I look like a kindly granny these techs can talk to.
      Today’s guy told me all about his family coming to America from Jamaica. His parents, his father has died, owned and ran a restaurant in the town they grew up in. His wife is a hair stylist in the city and wants to have her own salon in their house he’s renovating.
      That’s a whole lot of info.

      As an update to the saga, the woman who set up the account and boxes who was supposed to call me back? No she didn’t. For the halibut, I tried calling customer service and now it doesn’t recognize me even having an account. I’m wiped from the system.

  4. What a joke. I am sure the ‘younger people’ you reference are not on cable at all. Which makes one wonder why they are so eager to scare away the older customers who remain.

  5. What does everyone watch on cable? I’m about to discontinue my service because of the scarcity of anything worth watching.

    1. Most excellent point. I tend to watch Stupid Stuff on cable. Old movies. Big Bang Theory. Diners Drive Ins and Dives. Sometimes HGTV but rarely anymore. Every show is the same.
      I used to watch Maria Bartiromo every morning on Fox Biz. Stopped.

      Oh, I record Gutfeld! every night. Or I did until I moved and my cloud recordings are all gone. And the new system doesn’t recognize my DVR. Such fun! 🤦🏻‍♀️

  6. EOS – Hubby and I were originally subscribed to Optimum’s Gold package, which is rigged so that if hubby wants access to all his sports channels we have to consume the whole tamale. In an attempt to slightly reduce our cost, about a year ago I downgraded to the Silver package, which at that time included HBO, SHO and STARZ. Not too long ago I noticed that the movie channels were not functional. I didn’t feel up to the challenge of calling customer service so put up with the situation as it appeared I could still occasionally access SHO and STARZ. When I checked our most recent itemized cable bill I saw that we were being charged a separate (additional) fee for SHO and STARZ. This motivated me to call, when I was told that the Silver Package was now the Preferred package, which did not include the on demand movie channels. This was done without letting customers know, hoping I assume that they wouldn’t notice the extra charges, etc. I canceled the extra channels in question and will see if the charges magically disappear on the next bill. Oldtimer that I am, I break out in a cold sweat when forced to deal with what to me are unintelligible technology issues – so I feel your pain. How much longer can you go before physical mayhem occurs? XXOO

    1. We are on the same page as usual. Every year the bill goes up with fewer channels available so I call and say “I’ve been a Cablevision customer since you first showed up in Bedford. What discount will you give me to stay happy?” They always find some new incentive bundling package that lowers the price a smidge. But I haven’t dealt with calling them yet about my list current pricing. I figure I’ll wait a week then call and get a better deal. As Trump says, it’s The Art of the Deal.

      I learned a lot about the company chatting with so many employees. To a one they were all happy when Dolan owned the company as Cablevision. They all agreed the company went to hell when they French firm Altice took over. I echo their sentiments.

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